Kaftans And Confessions
SINOBI SANDALS | H&M KAFTAN | VINTAGE CHANEL PURSE | GUCCI SUNGLASSES
Confessions of a 35-year-old wearing a bright pink kaftan and designer accessories in the middle of a god-forsaken field somewhere in West Kendall. Does any of this make sense? No. Am I doing it for the ‘Gram? Maybe.
It’s been almost another full year since my last blog post. And while I’ve been somewhat (key word somewhat) keeping up with curating monthly playlists for you, I haven’t really been as active on here. With a pandemic and all the global and sociopolitical issues that are way bigger than us, self-promoting things like blog posts and fashion can just feel, well, trivial.
And yet - call it an existential crisis or maybe even a superficial desire to stay relevant - all of the above coupled with crippling insecurities, social media algorithms, and an all-too-familiar fear that I am just slowly fading away has left me feeling unmotivated and downright shitty. I would totally be putting up a front if I went around preaching ‘Instagram likes, followers and page views don’t define my worth,’ because I am ashamed to admit that yes, social media has claimed yet another victim. Am I not young enough? Am I not skinny enough? Am I not ‘cool’ enough? Why do I even care?!
All this to say…whether it’s a passion project, side-hustle or full-blown career - it sometimes feels like screaming into the void. Yes, there will always be highs and lows, but man why do the lows last so long? And, when is it time to admit that the train has left the station? I enjoy celebrating others’ success, but is it selfish to wonder, ‘when is it my turn?’ And how do you cope with the guilt of wanting all this with everything else that’s going on in the world?
-Jana Rose
Photography Eli Coro (@eatmyshots)
