What Are You Grateful For?

April 29, 2020 Jana Rose

Jana Rose here checking-in from my little quarantine cave. How are you guys doing? When times are tough, do you ever do a little gratitude checklist? Here’s mine: I realize I am immensely privileged in having my health, a roof over my head, and a job that I can do from home. And for all these things, I am beyond grateful. With that said, I am an emotional being with low days too. I have been battling low self-esteem, financial hardship and lack of inspiration. I see other people getting gigs, creating and churning out content, showing the world the best version of themselves. And then I look in the mirror and see a blob with crazy hair and severe indoor allergies. I feel guilty for letting these things bother me. I have to constantly remind myself about the gratitude checklist. Other people are going through crazy shit!

But, what do you turn to when you need a pick-me-up? My drug of choice is online shopping. There’s a list on my phone titled “COVETING.” In all seriousness, I am certain that I am an addict, because it’s an impulse I fight hard to control, and I use it to ‘fill a void.’ It’s a rush to hunt something down, and then figure out how to pay for it. I convince myself that receiving a package in the mail is like a present and that the debt will be worth it.

So, when the debt is insurmountable and you’re too broke to refill your anti-depressants or even book a therapist, what do you do? What if your guilt-riddled mind-numbing Netflix binge has you in a coma, your exercise motivation tank is below zero, and you just can’t bear to look at yourself in the mirror? What if your online shopping fix was all in vain because you’ve gained weight and nothing seems to fit right? And your creative juices have been hit by the most severe drought?

I guess I’ll just have to turn to the gratitude checklist and hope that tomorrow’s a better day…

Photography @simplylively